Saturday, October 08, 2005

Aruba For Sale?

Holland Inc. announced today that efforts to streamline it's operations and maximize it's investment in the subsidiary of Aruba, it will be outsourcing it's Judicial System and move towards an innovative new "selfserve style" brand of Police Force. Holland Inc. is also looking at innovative ways to generate revenue and reduce cost.

The Aruban Police believe that there is more profit in positioning itself to accept reward money and fees- for-service for crime solving while allowing parties to a crime to spend their own money searching for missing persons or utilizing experienced private investigators than expending resources from it's own budget.

"It frees us up from having to be held accountable for our actions and at the same time service a more select group of clients, mostly Dutch citizens and friends of ours that work for Holland. It's a real win win situation." said outgoing Police Chief jan van straaten. "I didn't come to Aruba to work this hard," said van straaten.

The ex-police chief, who denies his early retirement was a move by Corporate to punish him, claims he was rewarded for his work on the Holloway case. "You must be creative and think out of the box to resolve problems" said van straaten.

Critics have claimed van straaten took advantage of the unique and subtle changes to lying under oath.

In America, the expectation is to "tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth."
But in Aruba the word "truth" is replaced by the word "story."

"We take a more narrative approach, and like to tell the story, the whole story and nothing but the story" said Prosecutor Karen Janssen. "Our clients, co-workers and fellow dutchmen are well represented here" said Jannsen.

Prosecutor Janssen said "we are still working hard on the Holloway case." She reportedly is warehousing evidence in an off-site location. When asked if it was a conflict of interest to be holding evidence at the home of a former co-worker Jannsen said, " the van der sloot residence is the ideal storage facility: protected secure and out of the view of the public."

The move to generate revenue from digging licences, boat searches and broadcast fee increases comes amid speculation that some police officers may be attempting to cash in on the large reward money offered to solve the Holloway disappearence. Officers and investigators are lobbying to be reclassified as "consultants."

Janssen who is currently holding the ocean in custody is not ruling out bringing in the landfill for questioning.

Janssen released a statement via email and fax to radio stations, newspapers, local TV, international cable and foreign network news criticizing the Holloway family for using the media. A warrant remains for Natalee Holloway on charges of sexual assault with a minor. Prosecutors are seeking compensation from from the Holloway family for local businesses who lost at least half a day productivity when islanders took time off to search for the accused, last seen by Joran van der sloot swimming towards Venezuela.

It is also reported that Mattel Inc. is negotiating with Aruba to manufacture action figures with a substantial licensing fee going towards the depleted police budget. Justice Minister Rudy Croes is the leading canditate for a rollout of this line.

A spokesperson for Mattel, Jim McMichael said " we think a Rudy Croes doll would be very poplular. It will be able to speak out of both sides of it's mouth and it's ass."