Schippers to sue U.S. Janssen to publish "My Vagina"

Washington D.C.

Aruba spokeswoman and defense attorney Arlene Schippers has filed a lawsuit in Federal court today. Also, Prosecutor Karin Janssen is reported to be releasing her autobiography titled "My Vagina."

In the suit, Ms. Schippers is suing every citizen of the United States for:

Failure to understand the Dutch Legal System
Deciding to not travel to Aruba
Making critical remarks about her intelligence
Not being a good ally
Placing the life of a murdered American above that of the tourism industry of Aruba
Electing George Bush
Illegally invading Iraq
Not caring about the poor people of Aruba
Claiming the Secretary of State is actually Black

The suit explicitly claims Beth Holloway Twitty has been a "nuisance."

Spokesman for the spokeswoman, Ruben Trapenburg, says that Ms. Schippers has suffered "emotional trauma". "She's a sensitive women who has been ummm....you know, she's not happy."

When asked what damages Ms.Schippers is seeking, Mr. Trapenburg said, "She's already been damaged."

The suit is seeking the President of the United States to formally insist that every American travel to Aruba.

When asked what is at the core of the lawsuit, Mr. Trapenburg seemed startled but said,

"Money?"

Mr. Trapenburg has also read an advanced copy of Karin Janssen's new book. When asked what he thought of the book he responded, "I think My Vagina stinks."